✍ KIRAN GOSWAMI
India is
constantly modernizing and westernizing. With the changing ideas and thought
process, dating culture is one of the new ongoing trends. Still in the age when
India has (almost) accepted love marriages and you can find your perfect match
just by swiping right, the developing youth of India is again proceeding to
take the shelter of Arranged marriages. Non-availability of perfect partner,
understanding issues or trust problems, compatibility factor, salary issues,
rejections etc. – reasons can be several but the point is that the lost charm
of arranged marriages is coming back, although with some twists.
Traditional
Arranged Marriages:
The
traditional arranged marriage refers to the process of matrimony where the
partner of an individual is selected by their parents or relatives. The process
starts with the realization that the girl/boy has grown up and is ready for marriage.
Usually the social reach of parents and relatives makes it easier to find a
suitable match, but sometimes the help of a matchmaker is being taken. The
matchmaker takes the whole responsibility of finding and setting up a match
between both the families.
The suitability of match is checked upon various
parameters such as religion, caste, culture, family background, financial
stability, character, physical stature, horoscope matches etc. After proper
research and judging if all goes well, the boy’s family visits the girl’s house
and interviews her. The boy may or may not accompany them. If he comes, the boy
and girl can meet privately for few minutes.
After
ensuring everything, the match is solidified by engagement and consolidates
into marriage later on.
Modern Arranged Marriages:
While the
selection power still remains in the hands of parents and relatives, but modern
arranged marriages also support the idea of individual’s consent. The
matchmaking help can also be taken by registering online on matrimonial sites
such as Shaadi.com and Bharat Matrimony. Though majority of the process remains
same, the modernized form of arranged marriage also dwells on the idea of
courtship. The couple can date each other and try to build an understanding.
Significance
of Arranged Marriage :
There
several factors and advantages which have regained people’s faith in the
institution of arranged marriages –
1.
Longevity - The success rate of arranged marriages has
done a great job of maintaining their goodwill. There has been one in a hundred
case of divorce for the arranged marriage couples and this makes people to
follow the tradition.
2.
Commitment -The
foundation of an arranged marriage is commitment. It provides stability and
creates a secure bond between the couple, thereby instilling the seeds of trust
and love.
3.
Duty – Arranged
marriage shifts the onus of complete household over a couple and thus makes
them dutiful and more responsible.
4.
A fresh start – Arranged marriages acts as a tabula rasa for individuals. The surprise of
getting to know someone layer by layer gradually maintains the freshness of a
relationship and makes a couple more compassionate.
5.
Acceptance of Family – It’s the families who decide the partner for their children and
thus the responsibility lays over them. The support of family thus lies with
the individual if anything goes wrong.
Discomforts
of Arranged Marriage :
1.
Non-adaptability - Adjusting with someone who is almost a stranger and trying to cope up
with in-laws can be pretty hectic tasks.
2.
High Expectations - People sometimes expect too much
from their new partner and the compulsion to meet this expectations can turn
out to be disastrous. Families also want the new member to be perfect.
3.
Constant Complaining- The inability to adjust and understand one’s partner gives
rise to complain and grudges. This deteriorates a relationship.
4.
Emotional Blackmail- Most of the arranged marriages function due to the card of emotional
blackmailing. It isn’t a sign of healthy relationship.
5.
Domestic Violence- In comparison to love marriages, the cases of domestic abuse, violence
and marital rapes are more prevalent in arranged marriages.
The 6 C’s
of a successful marriage:
1.
Consistency – Try
to be consistent and regular in your efforts. Doing too much at one point and
being dull at other occasion disrupts another person’s confidence in you.
2.
Communication – Always remember communication is the key. Both of you are new to each
other and thus you’ll have to talk about your likes and dislikes. Talk and
solve the problems.
3.
Convenience – Take
care of other person’s comfort too. Give them proper personal space.
4.
Clarity- Stay
clear in whatever you say and your ideas. Confusion creates misunderstandings.
5.
Commitment- Though
love and passion are required for the establishment of any relationship, it is
your commitment and dedication towards the other person which makes you a
winner in the long run. Thus, be committed and loyal towards your partner.
6.
Care- The
essence of a relationship lies in the caring and nurturing one showers. Care
shows attention and thus develops love.
These points can be applied to any relationship; whether it is lifetime
partnership or the one’s relationship with his/her in-laws.
There
can’t be any guarantee of happily-ever-after but one can always try. Doesn’t
matter if it’s love marriage or arranged, mutual understanding and bonding is
required.
Written By:
Kiran
Goswami
Image source : Google search
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